I want the desire to pray. I know it can bless my life. It has in the past. But, (isn't there always a big BUT) I haven't made it a priority. There is no excuse and yet I still have a ton I could rattle off. I really do want to change this - I just don't know where to start. I feel it is essential to this process and yet even if I started praying tonight - I couldn't tell you what are my thoughts and what the Lord is trying to tell me or teach me. And I don't ever say that my words are His. Am I making any sense at all? I guess you have to start somewhere. I just feel like it's a lost cause at times. I feel like I had to share this.
Thoughts? I certainly welcome them. Now if I could sing a prayer...then it might work. Sometimes I do just that - singing often feels like prayer to me. Does that count?
Oh my gosh, I could've written this word for word a month ago -- I actually even talked about it with my Bishop, about I could not seem to focus and pray. I feel like I just couldn't get into it, and I wasn't getting anything in return, and my mind would just wander, so I'd just sit there with my eyes closed and only be able to pray for like 20-30 seconds, if that, before my mind was off onto something else.
ReplyDeleteAbout a month ago, I decided to really focus on this.
It started with me, get this, singing my prayer! I would sing 'A Child's Prayer' in my head, sometimes over and over again, and that would be my entire prayer. I started praying at random times during the day, and ANY time I thought about it. Sometimes this meant I went and literally knelt in my closet during the boys' nap times, or even just said a quick prayer to myself when the thought passed during breakfast with the kids. Every single time the idea of praying would pop into my head, I would stop what I was doing and pray, if even just for a minute. I started praying out loud more -- before I only prayed out loud with J at bedtime, when it was my turn to pray (we do even/odd days, I pray on even nights, he prays on odd nights). Now I make an effort to pray out loud if I'm alone (which is seldom with four kids), but I will go hide in my closet or in the bathroom for short times and pray out loud every other day or so now. Also, the rare times I'm in my car alone or with just the baby. (My Bishop actually suggested going out to my car when I wanted to pray -- just lock myself in there while the kids are napping or something, and pray there.)
You're right, it is about just starting somewhere. For me, it was making myself get on my knees (we'd been praying just in bed at night, since I was pregnant last year), and some nights it was just staying on my knees with my eyes closed for a few minutes with nothing going through my head, and the singing is an AWESOME start! And if it helps, go lock yourself in the car and sing or pray or both ;-)
Good luck -- I know I'm not to where I want to be yet, but the focus on this area in my life has helped a lot. It is steadily getting better. I tell God often that I'm trying and I need help figuring out what to pray about, and some nights my prayer doesn't get much more awesome than that, but I feel like the overall trend is definitely an increase in praying, and in the meaningfulness of my prayers.
(I've also considered writing some of my prayers out, since I feel like I communicate better via writing . . . I may still try this . . . )
Good luck -- your relationship with God, and what you'll get from it, is worth it -- just take baby steps. Pick one thing to improve or try and do that, then add another . . . and eventually we'll be amazingly stellar at praying :-)
-HX
I'm grateful that my parents taught me to pray with proper language, and using respect etc. I think that's important. But my prayers were totally hallow because I was so focused on being ELOQUENT that I didn't really feel anything.
ReplyDeleteI'm even MORE grateful to the women at group meeting and on blogs who have taught me how to really speak to God, as if he is really there and listening and can see right through my shallow attempts at sounding intellectual during a prayer. Jacy suggested beginning by writing your prayers, I LOVE this idea, and if you've ever seen "The Help" it's what Abileen did when she no longer felt capable of praying after her son died, and I just really think it's effective.
Praying out loud was super awkward for me at first. But then I started to just talk, like I was talking to a friend, and be totally honest about how I was feeling. Because seriously, can you hide anything from God?
Anyway, I totally get you. Prayer does not come naturally to me, and I guess my faith is lacking a little bit because it is not the first thing I think to do when I'm sad/hurt/angry/worried/scared etc. But I'm working on it too. Because I really do believe He listens and answers
I love the idea of writing out prayers. I hate feeling like I am talking to a wall and that's what I feel like right now, but I think if I am just blunt,honest, and forthright, (even if it may not be elquoent,or reverent, or nice) I feel like I am communicating more openly with Him. I think of Him more as my friend. And He wants to be my friend. We certainly can't hide anything from Him, but I really think as important it is to realize we can't hide anything from Him - we need to realize how much we can & need to rely on Him. And this is one of the best ways to show Him we realize this. That and acting on how He directs us in our lives.
ReplyDeleteTime. For me the key is TIME. I have to set aside xx minutes. (for me it started with 10) and I have a notebook to write what I think while I pray. It also helps me record promptings/answers. PLUS I almost always HAVE to say my prayers aloud (unless I'm writing them) or I get lost in my train of thought. It also helps me to have a specific time/place to pray every day. (I've even set a reminder in my phone so I don't forget or miss it.) I'll tie it to something I do every day anyway (before or after brushing my teeth, or showering, etc.) so that I don't miss it.
ReplyDeleteSo my formula (not that I'm always sucessfull....) is time + writing/talking + something I already do = praying happens and is meaningful.