I had printed up a boundaries exercise a friend shared with me & been carrying it for awhile, but couldn't seem to do anything with it. It was scary & intimidating & all it required doing was finishing sentences. Crazy that such a task could create such fear. I showed it to the therapist and she laughed because she was about to suggest something similar, but she said it looked great. We had run out of time, but she said that I should do what I could with it & bring it back next week. I was horrified. I still wanted someone to basically give me the answers - fill it out for me - that works, right? Haha! Dream on, S! I was determined to at least attempt it and decided I better start ASAP or it may be something I continually procrastinate. Sooo...before I went to bed last night I looked at it. And I did more than just look at it. I was finally able to finish some of the sentences. I was shocked. Some of them are still too hard for me, but it was a breakthrough for me.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Boundaries & Breakthroughs
Yesterday was my first appointment with the gal who will be my regular
intern therapist (aka still in school & FREE), Lori. We spent a good
portion of our hour discussing why I was seeking counseling at this time and
kinda the background on my & my husband & his addiction. I
brought of the topic of boundaries and how I thought that at this point - that
was what I needed the most help with. I discovered as I talked I finally
had the courage to say out loud what I have been thinking about for awhile as
some of my possible boundaries. We briefly discussed setting those forth
as boundaries and I wasn't sure I was ready to do it. Honestly, I am
scared. I came to the realization that I am fearful he may
reject/disregard some of those boundaries. I am scared of his response to
those boundaries. It was amazing to hear someone said that I wasn't
being unreasonable when I am scared I am being just that. What is even
more amazing is hearing me agree. Now, I didn't do so with confidence,
but hey, baby steps!
I had printed up a boundaries exercise a friend shared with me & been carrying it for awhile, but couldn't seem to do anything with it. It was scary & intimidating & all it required doing was finishing sentences. Crazy that such a task could create such fear. I showed it to the therapist and she laughed because she was about to suggest something similar, but she said it looked great. We had run out of time, but she said that I should do what I could with it & bring it back next week. I was horrified. I still wanted someone to basically give me the answers - fill it out for me - that works, right? Haha! Dream on, S! I was determined to at least attempt it and decided I better start ASAP or it may be something I continually procrastinate. Sooo...before I went to bed last night I looked at it. And I did more than just look at it. I was finally able to finish some of the sentences. I was shocked. Some of them are still too hard for me, but it was a breakthrough for me.
I had printed up a boundaries exercise a friend shared with me & been carrying it for awhile, but couldn't seem to do anything with it. It was scary & intimidating & all it required doing was finishing sentences. Crazy that such a task could create such fear. I showed it to the therapist and she laughed because she was about to suggest something similar, but she said it looked great. We had run out of time, but she said that I should do what I could with it & bring it back next week. I was horrified. I still wanted someone to basically give me the answers - fill it out for me - that works, right? Haha! Dream on, S! I was determined to at least attempt it and decided I better start ASAP or it may be something I continually procrastinate. Sooo...before I went to bed last night I looked at it. And I did more than just look at it. I was finally able to finish some of the sentences. I was shocked. Some of them are still too hard for me, but it was a breakthrough for me.
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My thoughts are prayers are with you. This is indeed a tough battle and you do have God on your side to get through it. He is there even when you don't think He is listening. I hope that things get better for you
ReplyDeleteBoundaries! I have such a love/hate relationship with boundaries. First, I'm thinking, "why H-E-double hockey sticks do I even need to set up a boundary? we got married. we promised love and mutual respect and beauty to each other. when did this not become a priority?"
ReplyDeleteThen, I'm thinking, "This guys is a full blown addict. And if I don't set boundaries fast and stick to them he will tear me to pieces."
You're right, it is so scary to put your foot down. Cause most likely there will be some push back. And that may be hard to deal with or to even stay firm on those boundaries.
So proud of you for finishing those sentences. I remember those moments of clarity. They are so empowering! You can do this! C
I'm proud of you too! It is so amazing to watch women change right before my eyes, online and in group. Talk about empowerment. You ARE strong and you CAN do it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments & encouragement, gals! You guys help make this road so much easier & the burden lighter !
ReplyDeleteI asked him today as he left for work today if we could talk tonight. One awesome thing I forgot to share in this post was how in counseling I came a realization. That morning, (Tues.) when I dropped him off at work it was the first time I consciously reached out to him for physical contact since my most recent discovery (nearly several weeks). I told my therapist I was pretty sure I was ready to try and reach out for that physical contact. I did, however, need it to be initiated by me, on my terms, and not pushed upon me and since no one (husbands included) are mind readers - I was pretty sure he was unaware and I needed to inform him of this - so I am hoping that can be the conversation we have tonight - as well as a few other things that need to be discussed.