Mr. Scabs Q & A and a few other things have finally helped me realize just how much I need to dive into boundary-making. No matter how scary it seems, how much I want someone to give me the answers (no one will, gosh darn it!), and my deep fears of those boundaries & me being subjected to disregard and major objections - like me being unfair.
I am now finally starting to outline some boundaries to present to my husband. I want them to be spelled out & very specific as to how exactly they will work - that was the biggest problem I think with the one boundary I implemented before. I am also making a great deal of personal discoveries and some of them are hard and some of them are empowering. Like with the help of April's blog post yesterday I discovered I am almost to a point where limbo is okay. I have lived in limbo it seems for years and it has driven me crazy. I hate it. But, honestly, I feel like I am almost ready to embrace limbo for what it is. Of course, then there are the discoveries you make - like realizing the fact that you envy those who have open communication with their spouses about this ugly monster called addiction. I'm sure that communication is probably not perfect or where they want it to be possibly, but it is so much more than I have right now.
More than anything right now, the idea of being okay is not something so far away. It may be just around the corner. And right now, that sounds pretty good.
It's so funny that I just wrote this and now I feel restless and confused more than ever about boundaries. I don't need all the answers, but the mild insanity of my life is still too much.
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