I think I finally need to swallow my pride and ask the gal who has offered to be a support person - to do just that - to be my support. I gathered up the courage at my 2nd or 3rd support group meeting to ask for her contact info - which she says she is willing to give to anyone in the group. I finally broke down & even put it in my phone so in case I lose the paper it's on - I don't have to ask again. Tonight I will see her at group and I wanna ask her some things. But oh my, I am scared. I don't know why. I know she really wants to help those she can.
So now I just have to figure out how to gather up some courage & figure out what to ask her. I struggle with boundaries and after hearing Mr. Scabs answers to my questions I know I need to really breakdown & put some boundaries in place. For my sake, for my husbands sake, for the sake of recovery. And then I need to find a way to lay the law down with those boundaries. Not to punish him, but to help both of us. And I need to find a way to feel emotionally & physically safe when I have that conversation with him. I have to have him either sit down with me & my therapist, our bishop, maybe even my support person possibly? This will not be fun. And yet it HAS to be done. I can't keep enabling him by ignoring the huge communication issue. I have dealt with it probably since 2003. I think I can pinpoint when our communication changed and I can't live with it anymore. This is not how our marriage is going to continue.
Do it! After the meeting is over, go sit by her and tell her you have some questions. In the words of my sponsor "If I can't answer them, I'll help you find someone who can." You're right, she DOES want to help. We have what we call "the meeting after the meeting" where you can ask anything, it's all on the table. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteTake courage, you're strong.
I can't wait to hear how talking to her goes! I know this is scary, but you are doing awesome -- this will be such a good thing for you and your family! I'm praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteDang it! I didn't do it tonight! Kicking myself. I am gonna call her tomorrow though...
ReplyDeleteYou'll do it when you're ready and then you'll think "Why didn't I do this sooner?" :)
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