I really struggle with praying and scripture study. They just don't come easily to me. However, when I do really hit my knees & pray sincerely I find myself praying about all sorts of things. I mean, I have lost count how many times I have prayed over lost keys. Or animals. Or for the Lord to change my husband's heart.
However, I have really been struggling lately with trying to figure out how to turn all this over to God. DUH, it finally dawn on me. I don't have to figure that out. He can even help me with that. I was also sharing with a friend a few days ago that I used to pray for the Lord to change my husband's heart - for him to have the desire to get help. Don't get me wrong - I still want that - but then I realized I should probably focus on my heart first.
I even realized that with all my fear about trusting myself and not God - that I would make decisions in this journey that I may think are in alignment with His will when really they aren't - that they would be decisions based on me trusting myself. I am soo disconnected from Him right now that I don't trust myself to hear Him. DUH, ask Him for help to discern, silly.
This whole experience has been the most humbling to thing to me -- realizing what I have to change first and foremost. And yet, it's been so gentle and sweet, and a reminder of how much God loves me and how He wants the best for me, and of me.
ReplyDeleteI totally had this SAME moment during journal writing once -- the question was like 'We need to not counsel the Lord, but be counseled by Him, how do you receive counsel from the Lord?' I went on to write this awesome couple paragraph answer of all these great, profound ways I do this. Then realized that maybe I should've started such a question out by asking God how He would like to counsel me, not just how I think it should be done! Oops :-)
Yeah- I love the "DUH" moments, and then I'm always grateful when they come back in a few months because I've already forgotten them. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I am already wondering how long I will remember these. Maybe that's something I can ask for His help with too, huh !
ReplyDeleteFantastic.
ReplyDeleteI kinda like changing step 3 from turning over my life to the *will* of God to turning my life over to His *care.* Because I too often stress out about whether or not I'm adequately discerning His will.
So this post really speaks to me. ;)
Stuff like this makes me want to scream: "Where have the steps been my whole life?" ;)