Moving Forward in Faith & Not Fear

It's been a bit since I've written.  The kids are definatley driving me bonkers & yet a reprieve is in sight as they will be flying to my parent's for 2 weeks soon.  I am looking forward to use this time to really indulge in some serious self-care and pondering.  So much has come to a head for me personally and I have found strength I never imagined I had to staart thinking about doing hard things.

I currently only have one boundary in place to protect me and while it is helpful - it isn't enough.  I am tired of being co-dependent.  I am tired of being treated like the lesser in what is supposedly a partnership.  I am tired of living with someone who refuses to be transparent and own his addiction.  Heck- I am dying to hear the words - "I'm sorry."  I have decided to love me finally.  To stand up for me just a little.  And because I love him (though I usually dislike him), I have come to decide that more boundaries are needed for my sanity and over-all well-being.  I have come to a point where I know for a certain that I need an addict who is actively seeking recovery - something he is far from.

And...for once...I am moving forward in faith - not standing paralyzed in fear.  I have faith that my Savior can & will make all things right.  I have faith that he will help us both heal as we seek recovery.  And he can make us whole again - whether we are together or not.

Not that it's gonna be a cakewalk.  But I refuse to be paralyzed in fear anymore.  I will walk up this hill because my Savior  will be right alongside me - encouraging, cheering, & picking me up when I fall.  And if necessary - he will carry me - and the two sets of footprints will become one.  I know he won't leave me as I strive to stay close to Him.